“Hey, maybe you can help. What the hell are love bugs? I heard they were made by a university. Who can I sue?” – Bungalower Reader

Sorry to say, but unless you can convince someone to let you sue Mother Nature, you’re up a creek without a paddle, sir.

Lovebugs, sometimes called honeymoon flies or “yuck, it’s in my mouth,” are a species of Bibionidae or march fly that live in some parts of Central America and the southeastern United States. They feed on rotten vegetation and nectar from plants like clover, goldenrod, and Brazilian pepper.

The reason people aren’t really starting a lovebug fan page any time soon is that semi-annually, these harmless little black and red specs can swarm in the millions, joined butt-to-butt, flying around between April and May, like massive, flittering, orgiastic clouds.

Despite a pervasive urban myth, studies have also proven that lovebugs migrated into Florida from our neighboring southerly states and that they did not, in fact, originate in a lab as a result of some randy insect scientists that listened to too much sexy music.

Editor’s Note: But that’could just be what University of Florida wants you to think.

Lovebugs don’t really do anything to anyone besides indiscriminately screw on your face, hair, and in your glass of wine (or where ever they happen to land) and they don’t bite or sting humans. They don’t carry disease either. They just like to get it on in the road and die in large numbers in the spring so you have to wash your car every day; which is why they’re not really a high priority for the State to step in and try to control their numbers like they do with mosquitoes.

So in summation, they’re just really horny insects that came here on Spring Break from Louisiana one year and never left. Just like half the people who live in Key West.

Brendan O'Connor

Editor in Chief of

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